NE (ninaelisabeth) wrote in uhninaelisabeth,

Long Story ♠ Public Happiness ♠ PART 2/3

Title Public Happiness
Bill is happy, happier than he has been in years. He wants to share it with the world. He want to tell everyone that he's in love, that he has his very own Davey Havok. 
Author ninaelisabeth 
Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort
Bill Kaulitz, David Jost, Georg Listing, Gustav Schafer, Male Celebrity, Tom Kaulitz
Main Pairings
Bill/Male Celeb
Side Pairings
Adult Content, OOC
Word Count 9,131

Part 2

The door opened before they were out of the car, Theory standing in the opening with a huge smile on his face.

“Hi guys,” Lee Martin said, smiling at them. “If you go into the living room I’ll fetch my laptop and I’ll show you everything you need to know.”

“Thank you again for doing this, Theory.” Lee smiled at Bill as he entered, “It helps us a lot, I don’t think it would look so nice if had to do this on my free time.”

They all chuckled, a little forced from Bill’s side but he couldn’t help it. He was horny and not in the mood to listen to endless talking about CSS and stupid homepages.

But he wanted to launch this as fast as possible. Show the world his happiness.

With a sigh he followed Davey into the other room, gracefully plopping down on the caramel couch beside his boyfriend. Feeling the older man’s eyes roam over his profile, he turned to see Davey look at him with raised eyebrows.

“You okay?” He mumbled as he touched Bill’s pale cheek.

Bill nodded and felt the corner of his lips twitch upwards, leaning into the soft hand caressing his face. Lee came into the room again, carrying a laptop under his arm and an envelope in the other hand.

“So, I’ll just show you the whole shebang quickly, and then you can just run off again.” He smirked, probably sensing Bill’s distress and need to get out of there.

Making room between them, the couple focused on the laptop screen and saw the page, the design were clean, simple and so beautiful. Just like Bill wanted it.

Lee clicked open another tab and typed in, the cream coloured background showing first, then slowly a picture faded in on the middle.

Both Davey and Bill smiled as the picture came into view; it was a black and white picture of Bill, lying on the bed, wrapped in the light sheets. You could see Davey’s happy face in the mirror on the wall behind him, though a little unfocused. In a nice, elegant font the names Bill Kaulitz and Davey Havok adored the picture, right under the word ‘Welcome’.

“This is what you can see now is the welcome page, I’ll remove this when you want to launch the site. I’ve already done everything you need, so the only thing I need to do is to change the front page to the main page instead of this. Made sense?

“Well, if you see here, this is the main page. The blog goes here; in the sidebar you can add links, text, pictures, videos and such. The header is just simple, but it actually changes for each time you refresh. I think we got fourteen different header pictures circling around.”

“This is amazing, so pretty.” Bill was so happy, even though he wanted to be home, curled up on the couch as he tasted Davey, he wanted to get this done.

“Thank you, I really hope it’s like you wanted, if there is anything you want to change, just tell me. I won’t take it personally.” Lee winked, chuckling.

He pointed to the address bar, marking the extra words on the behind with blue.

“So when you have time now, you can update a couple of entries, maybe a welcome post and then mail me. I will change the main page to the front page so this is what people see when they open the site. Now you can’t see anything else than the single picture.

“If you write in the URL and add this behind, it will take you to the main page so you can see that. If you add this part, it will open a log in page. Here you plot in the username and password that’s in the envelope and this is what happens.”

The page refreshed, a grey and black site coming up. In big letters on the top it said DASHBOARD, and there were different buttons on in the sidebar.

“If you want to blog, you just click on ‘post’ and type in what you want to write, make it bold, italics, add links, pictures, video’s – what you feel like. And then you can change the entries here. Simple as that.”

“Thanks, Lee, I really appreciate it.” Davey said as he stood up, patting the other man on the shoulder before taking Bill’s hand. “But I think we’re should get going now, if that’s okay.”

Theory shut the laptop as he nodded. Walking out in the hall, they said their goodbye’s.

Linking their fingers together, Bill and Davey walked down the stairs and slipped into the car. Davey put the key into the ignition and turned it.

“Darling, can I borrow your phone for a minute?”

“Sure,” Davey gave the phone to Bill, looking strangely at him while he tried to focus on the road in front of him.

Bill fiddled with the little device, tucking it in between his thighs and taking up his own phone. Quickly pressing the speed dial, he groaned as Davey’s phone started to vibrate wildly against his groin.

“Mmmmh, your phone is so much better than mine…”

“……I think I need to ignore you now.”

”Welcome all!
This is a blog…”

“Argh, this is stupid.” Bill slammed his hand down on the keyboard, making it jump and slide across the desk. “I can’t do this, it’s just idiotic.”

Shaking his head, he tried to concentrate on the screen again, speaking the words like he would tell someone he knew, someone close.

“This won’t work,” he muttered aloud after a couple of minutes, trying to put his feelings down into words.

Dragging his hands through his long hair, Bill sighed; he had no idea how he could write something for the blog. He just wanted Davey here to help him so they could do this together, but he needed to record the things he wasn’t able to get down the day before. So that was a lost cause.

Sighing again, he clicked on the screen, finding youtube in his favourites and began surfing through some videos. Typing in I heard a voice love like winter in the search box, he clicked the first video.

Smiling as Davey’s voice filled the room, Bill’s head snapped up as the door bell interrupted the sweet words. As he quickly pressed pause and walked out into the hall, he could hear barking and a very familiar voice.

“He’s coming, relax; hey, Enya, I said relax.” The soft murmur was almost not audible through the door, but Bill could perfectly see his twin standing on the other side, scowling at the bluish-gray dog.

Flipping the bolt, the black haired man opened the door and grinned as the two dogs ran inside, happily bouncing at his feet.

“Hey,” Tom said, ruffling his sweater and watching dog hairs fly around him. “She really needs to be brushed; I don’t think I’ve had a hair-free meal in the last couple of days.”

Walking into the living room and shooing the dogs off the couch, Bill sat down and began to scratch behind Enya’s ears. The older dog, Bob, quickly found his place by the stereo and looked up at Bill, laying his head down when he got acknowledged.

“Why didn’t you brush her, then?” Bill asked his twin, dragging his fingers over Enya’s fur, gathering all the loose hair with his hand. “Ugh, and I just vacuumed.”

“I didn’t have a brush at home, I left them all here last time we cleaned them and I forgot it.” Tom shrugged, jumping over the back of the couch and relaxing beside Bill. “And I was too lazy to go get it when I first remembered it was here.”

“Ha, lazy ass.”

Bill grinned as Tom pushed his shoulder, making Enya snap her teeth together and waggle her tail. “I thought it was at home, I spent hours looking for that bloody brush!”

Enya snapped her teeth together again, pushing her snout into Bill’s groin and freezing in the position. Her tail was still waggling a little, though not as much as earlier. Bill smiled and patted her head, leaning back and turning his head towards Tom.

“What’s bothering you, little brother?”

Tom could always sense his distress; he had always had the ability to do that, no matter what was wrong with the more feminine twin.

Scratching the dog’s head, Bill sighed; he couldn’t keep anything from his brother no matter how hard he tried.

“I’m not sure about this anymore… Going public, I mean. It’s just that, what if people don’t approve of us? What if people just disown us or something – think about it, Tom! It’s not impossible.”

Both the dogs had felt Bill’s anxiety; Bob lifted his head, standing up and padding over to the couch before laying his head on Bill’s knee. Enya had lifted hers, too, just standing there and looking at him with big, bold eyes. She cocked her head to the side and snapped her teeth together, as if asking if he was okay.

“I’m okay, sweetie, don’t worry.” Bill answered the dog, mumbling as he bent down to kiss Bob on the nose.

“Bill…” Tom signed. Bill looked up at Tom, smiling carefully and moving so their shoulders bumped and he grabbed the older man’s hand, twinning them together.

“I don’t know, Tom, I love Davey so much, but…”

Tom squeezed his hand, turning his head so his forehead was resting against Bill’s temple. Bill could feel Tom’s eyes on his profile and he closed his own, feeling closer to his twin than he had in months.

No words were needed, the twins simply needed each other and Bill needed to know that Tom accepted the other singer. Even though Tom had said it so many times, Bill couldn’t trust himself to fully believe him yet.

“Bill, would you please do me one favour?”

Looking at his older brother, Bill saw Tom look down at his knees, his hands rigid against his thighs, eyes distant.

“Of course, what do you need?”

The dark blond man stood up, his shoulder length hair in a pony tail. Tom had removed the tight cornrows a couple months ago, missing the dreads and sick of the tightness of everything. He was also sick of dying is hair black every time his blond roots showed.

Bill had talked him into letting the hair breath a little before dreading it again, using some deep conditioner to cure it a whole lot.

When Tom came back from wherever he had been, the dogs had both captured Bill’s attention. Bill looked up at Tom, wondering what his brother wanted from him. He saw an acoustic guitar dangling from his hands.

“Sing for me,” Tom mumbled. “Sing with me.”

Patting Bob on the head, Bill nodded, moving so Tom could sit down again and folded his legs under himself. Tom’s fingers quickly started to move across the neck of the guitar.

The familiar tune made Bill’s heart warm, his tummy swirled and he felt so good. He was close to his twin and he had the world’s greatest boyfriend.

”In mir wird es langsam kalt…“


Laughing at the dogs barking, the twins walked up the stairs and said their goodbyes to Michael, the bodyguard. They had decided to take a walk with the dogs, and since Michael was already around, they figured it wouldn’t hurt to let him know where they were going and keep an eye out for them.

Enya was scratching the door, begging to get inside and cuddle on the couch.

The door slipped open; Enya and Bob rushed inside, waggling their tail as they found Davey in the hallway. The twins walked in after the four legged duo and Bill quickly hugged the oldest male.

"Hi there," Davey said, smiling as he kissed the black haired man quickly on the lips. "Tom, nice to see you again, you know, you should join us in the studio. Jade really wants so meet you again and maybe jam a little."

"Sure, that would be great. I'll come by tomorrow when Bill is out with mum, I don't think I want to join them on a shopping spree." Both Tom and Davey shared an equally fake, over dramatic shudder, earning a middle finger from the youngest.

"Oh, shut up, you two. Mum and I need some bonding time, anyways, and nothing beats a good shopping trip," Bill huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I don't care what you think, you do what you want."

Both Tom and Davey cackled loudly, Davey hugging Bill tightly against his chest as he laughed into his ear, earning himself a shudder from Bill.

"I think I have to go now, it's getting late and Georg was coming over for some play-station," Tom chuckled, taking a hold of the door again. "I left the dog food in the kitchen," he winked, dragging his hand through his hair and waving at the couple.

The door closed behind Tom, and Davey stuck his nose into Bill's black hair, inhaling the vanilla scent.

"I've missed you today; it's been such a weird day." Murmuring into the long strands, Davey stroked his hands over Bill's narrow shoulders and down his back.

“Hmm, tell me about it? I want to know how what you’ve been up to,” Bill half moaned, arching his back as Davey dragged his knuckles down Bill’s spine.

“Well, I don’t care about my day; you’ve been working on the welcome post?” Pushing his fingers into the middle of Bill’s shoulders, Davey made the other man moan. “I want to write it with you.”

“I couldn’t do it, not alone,” Bill whispered, turning in Davey’s arms and wrapping his own around the brown haired man’s neck. “I need this to be us, not me.”

“Then we’ll do it together.”

Their lips met, and Bill thought this was a day he wanted to remember. He’d had a great day just hanging out with Tom, and now, Davey was going to make the night even more amazing.

They moved together, making sweet noises and movements. The two that couldn’t join in, were lying on the couch, watching silently with big, bold eyes.

Enya suddenly snapped her teeth together, making the couple break apart with a small smile. Bob whined as he licked at Bill socked clad feet.

“You two are strange,” Davey said as he shook his head. He looked at Bill with loving eyes, smirking at him. “Shall we write that post and then I can tell Theory to launch it?”

Bill’s earlier anxiety was gone; he just felt stupid now.


“Good,” Davey kissed Bill on the nose, laughing as his phone vibrated and Bill quickly perked up. “No, you’re not getting off with my phone again. I’m starting to believe you like that device better than me…”

“Well, you don’t vibrate,” Bill said with a wink, squealing as he ran into the living room, the dogs barking and Davey right on his heels.


The little cafe was not as busy as usual. Bill had been here a couple of times before and since they were now familiar with him and his security, he kept coming back.

Simone was smiling widely, looking over the other people minding their own business. A couple, two tables to the right, were flirting mindlessly, twirling their fingers together, leaned over the table and talking close.

A table four down from them, on the other side, was occupied by three old ladies, two of them knitting and the third one reading a book. They were chatting happily over their tea and their plates showed half eaten strawberry pie.

The rest of the café was deserted.

Outside, on the other side, was a living hell. The press had heard about the mum and son going out on a day alone, trying to get some quality time together in L.A. Sadly, Bill was well known here, now, and pretty easy to spot. Especially if you knew where to look.

"Mum, can't we just sneak out the back and go home? I can make coffee there!" Bill moaned as another flash blinded him through the windows. It seemed like he was the only one being annoyed by the disco inside.

"Bill, sweetie, shut it." Simone's tone was sweet, overly sweet and motherly, but with an amused undertone. Her hand rubbed comfortably at his knuckles, soothing him like only she could do.

Groaning loudly, he slammed his forehead against the table, making Simone laugh out loud and the flashes to go off even faster.

Simone leaned in, whispering as she winked to the paparazzi glued to the window. "It looks like your little tantrum is making them happy in their pants out there; care to put on another show?"

Bill just mumbled, but since his face was pressed against the table, it was impossible to make out what he said.

She signaled to the waitress, a petite woman in her early fifties with short, curly brown hair. Bill had told her earlier that she was his regular, and, if the German woman remembered right, she was also the owner.

"Hello, what can I do for you today?" She flipped open a little notebook and got a pen, ready to take their order.

At the sound of another voice, Bill's head snapped up and he shot up from the chair.

"Margaret!" He smiled, making the cameras go off again. That would probably be all over the gossip sites the day after, 'Bill Kaulitz, hitting on the waitress – an older lady!'

"Bill, I didn't know that was you under all that. Why so down?" Margaret asked, taking a chair and plopping down beside the pair. "Shall I pull the curtains?"

"That would be lovely; I can't believe those donkeys, sometimes. Here I am, trying to have a nice day with my mum and then they come and ruin everything. Ah."

After the owner dragged the curtains over the windows and shooed some of the people away with threats of calling the police, she walked over to their table.

"Oh, so this beautiful woman is your mother?" Margaret turned to Simone and took her hand, shaking it while talking. "It's very nice to meet you, Simone, Bill has told me a lot about you. You should be proud, such a great man."

"I am very proud, nice to meet you too."

Placing her small hands together, Margaret clapped, with a huge grin she asked. "So, the regular, I presume?

"Yes, and mum will try the same." Bill nodded; he could already feel his mouth watering with the thought of homemade pie; if you wanted pie, this was the place to go. "You won't regret this, mum, it's the best in the whole world. Well, maybe not better than grandma's."

Simone nodded, looking around the cafe again. She noticed a man with a little girl. The ginger headed girl was maybe seven, almost eight, but not any older. She looked very much like the man; her shoulder length, red hair was freshly cut and her green eyes sparkled with the attention she was getting from her father.

She squealed as he put her down by the counter, talking to Margaret as the girl ran towards them.

Right towards them.

"Bill!" She threw her arms around Bill just as he pushed the chair back, hugging her tightly back. "Dad told me that you might be here, today, but that Davey would be in the studio."

Bill laughed into her neck, smiling over at Simone's surprised face. "Well, why don't you go and tell him I said hi and then come back, yeah?"


Lifting his bum, Bill pushed the chair so he was closer to the table again, leaning on his elbows as he looked at the trio by the counter.

"...Just how often are you here?"

Snapping out of his very short lived day dream, the black haired man looked at his mother. He fingered the tablecloth, a cheek pressed against his flat palm.

"Every other week or so, Shelly is Joe McGrath's daughter, one of AFI's producers, so I watched her couple of times when they were in the studio."

Simone nodded, looking pleased. She always wanted grandchildren. Margaret came towards them, balancing two plates of strawberry and vanilla pie and a cup of cappuccino. She placed them on the table before shuffling back to fetch the last cup.

When everything was placed around the table, Bill attacked his pie with the spoon, moaning around each bite.

"So, how are things going with you and Davey? Coming out soon?" She raised her eyebrows, carefully sipping at her cappuccino as she looked at Bill.

Choking on the heaven inside his mouth, Bill spit crumbs out before getting his breath back. He looked, scandalized, at Simone before peeking around the room; he never knew where those sneaky gossip people were hiding.

With a sigh, he dabbed at his mouth with the napkin and took a gulp out of the cup.

"We're working on something... We've kind of already started." He took a deep breath and let his eyes roam over the room again, just to be sure. "We've made a blog, a homepage, it's a place where I can rant without the management needing to read it over and control everything, and a place where Davey and I can be open.

"We decided not to say anything to anyone before the fans notice the blog, because when they do... it will be everywhere in a matter of hours. I won't underestimate our fans, they're sick with news, especially when it's something about my sexuality and other artists."

Looking down at the plate, Bill didn't want the pie that much anymore. He was so afraid that the fans were going to hate him; that everything they had ever worked for would go down the drain just because he wanted to go public with his little romance.

But that wasn't true; he loved Davey, and he loved what they did, and he believed in the fans. It would always be two sides, the one that would support them, and the ones that would call them the most horrible things.

With a shudder he tried to get back into the conversation and listen to his mother’s words.

"...Just be happy, that's all that matters for me."


Shelly, the little girl from earlier, came walking towards them with slow steps, like she was afraid to disturb. She stood by the table, her hands placed behind her back and her eyes wide.

"Hello, I'm Shelly, who are you?" she asked, looking at Simone. Bill smiled; she probably hadn't noticed his mother earlier.

"Hi there, Shelly, I'm Bill's mum, but you can call me Simone." Shelly grinned, giggling as she waved; she turned to Bill again and placed a piece of paper on the table.

"This time it was Joey that didn't believe me, he's such a doof,” she explained, her brows crinkling in the middle and her mouth pouting as she spoke.
"Well, that's just stupid. Why can't they just believe you?" Bill faked an angry expression, pouting along with the young girl. He scribbled down his name on the piece of paper and gave it back. "Wait, why don't we just take a picture?"

The girl's face lit up as Bill grabbed his phone from his man purse and found the camera function; he gave it to Simone and pointed at the button.

"Click there when I tell you." Patting his thighs, Shelly jumped up on his lap and wiggled to get comfortable, her hair tickling Bill's face. Simone clicked the button and the phone snapped a shot of the two, Bill looking like he was about to sneeze and Shelly grinning from ear to ear.

"That was unfair; I wasn't ready yet!"

Chuckling, Simone pressed the button again, and again. After a couple of minutes, they had over ten photos of the two; Bill tickling Shelly's sides as she howled with laugher and both of them playing monkeys as they blew up their face and pulled their ears out. After they were done, Shelly had picked up her father’s phone and Bill sent the entire photo album over.

"Thank you so much, Bill, I'm going to show these to Joey, and now he just has to believe me!" The girl hugged both Bill and Simone before running over to her father who was waiting by the door, looking at Bill with a smile.

"So, what was that about?"

"She's getting teased at school; they don't believe her when she says that I've watched her. Or that she's ever met me." Bill sighed; that girl didn't deserve half the shit she was getting. "She's sick, she has some disabilities and if that wasn't enough for them to tease her about, she's also becoming the lonely girl who fantasizes about knowing artists."


"So, I usually try to get her mind on other things, but she's so stubborn. She wants to be accepted and not looked at like some freak."

"I think you would make a great father."

Well, that was random. Bill looked at his mother, her eyes were staring at some point on the wall behind him and she was long gone in her own world. He knew how she was; he was just like her sometimes.


Bill shook his leg as Enya tried to stop him by biting his leg without really biting it, his hands were filled with popcorn and a couple of beers, so he couldn't shoo her away.

"Enya, stop it, you're not going into the kitchen. You know you're not getting your food yet." Placing the bottles and the bowl on the table, he sat down on the floor and laughed as she started to poke his cheek with her wet nose. "Yeah, I love you, too, you spoiled dog."

"Aw, so cute," Davey commented as he rounded the corner, video camera in one hand and a soda in the other. He had walked around filming all day long, ever since he came from the studio. He filmed when he entered the door, getting the whole scene with Bill and Simone on the floor with two very hyper dogs licking their faces off.

Now, they were going to blog a little more, edit the video material they had and upload a couple of photos. Davey had snapped a couple in the studio and Bill had some photos from his and Simone's day out.

They wanted to make everyone a part of their life, so they had to post something worth checking out.

"So, how much have you actually recorded?" Bill asked as he stood up and took the camera from Davey, turning it towards him before pressing the 'record' button again.

"Hmm, let me think..." Davey stood in front of the camera, pretending to ponder heavy about it. His hand on his chin and his foot was tapping. "I think about one and a half hours or so."

Nodding, Bill walked towards his boyfriend, holding the camera out so that both of them were in the picture. Placing a hand on the brown haired man, Bill smirked before leaning in and capturing Davey's lips with his own. The camera was shaking by the time Davey had led them back to the couch, Bill's hand not capable to hold it up when the older man worked his mouth.

Moaning, Bill lost the grip of the camera and it landed on the pillow, the button being pushed in and the video stopped recording before it could be used as Georg’s wanking material.

Bill was lost in his own thoughts of the last weeks, celebrating Davey’s thirty-fifth birthday and meeting his parents, well, his mother and stepfather, the Marchands. He had been home almost all the time, working on some new songs and such, but nothing exciting had happened.

Simone and Gordon were leaving in two days, going back to Germany; they had said that the twins should come home for Christmas, bringing Davey with them, of course. Georg and Gustav had asked for a few extra weeks off to go back to Germany before the band had to do some last work during 2010.

As he splashed water on his face, Bill started to hum one of the new tunes he had worked on with Tom. He was thinking about the blog, how much they had added the last month; pictures, videos and many random and personal entries. Bill was just waiting for the explosion.

Feeling two soft arms wrap around his torso, Bill jumped and spun around. As he came face to face with Davey, he smiled and laughed as his heart almost exploded.

“Did I scare you?” the older man chuckled, dragging Bill close and pushing them both under the water again. “I didn’t mean to,” Davey whispered into Bill’s hair, dragging his hands down the younger man’s back and ending at his bum.

Rubbing their crotches together, the couple moved slowly under the spray, the movements waking them better than the water had done.

“You didn’t scare me that much, I’m just not—” Davey nibbled on Bill’s collarbone, making the latter’s legs give out. “I’m not awake yet.”

“I’ll wake you up…” Davey murmured as he stroked down Bill’s crease, circling the little hole with a single finger.

Bill moaned and caught the older man’s lips, the water making Bill’s hair fall into his eyes as he moved his head forward.

Davey smirked into the kiss, pulling back and pulling the long, black strands behind Bill’s ear. Tenderly, he kissed his younger boyfriend on the forehead with closed eyes.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Bill smiled, just loving the moment as they stood there, naked, under the water. They stood there for almost five minutes before detangling themselves, Bill reaching for the soap to rub Davey’s chest.

“You don’t have time to wake me up; you need to be in the studio in fifteen,” Bill reminded him, soaping up Davey’s chest and shoulders when he turned around. “Remember, it’s only today and tomorrow now, and then we got two days before I leave.”

“Mhmm, I will miss you.”

“I wish you could come with me, but when I’m gone you need to continue to blog and work, so when I get back I’ll have you all to myself.” Bill sighed, leaning on Davey’s back as the brown haired man used the removable shower head to remove all the foam.

“That would be fun, but I don’t think you would have enough time to keep me company anyway. I’ll keep updating, as long as you remember to come on Skype.”

Bill smiled and nuzzled the warm skin that was resting against his cheek; he kissed Davey’s neck and moved to get out of the double sized shower.

“You should get going, Tiger, you’re supposed to be in the studio in ten and it’s at least a five minute drive.” Davey looked, no, stared, at Bill’s naked body as he stood in front of the full length mirror, admiring his own body and tracing the black ink on his pale skin.

Following Bill out of the shower, Davey wrapped a fluffy towel around his torso and walked out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom, leaving Bill alone.

After getting some clothes, Davey ran back to the bathroom and kissed Bill quickly, running out the door as he shouted a ‘goodbye’.

The drive to the studio didn't take him longer than ten minutes; the traffic was bad but not horrible. Shutting the door behind him, Davey jogged up to the front door and fished the key out of his pocket.

As he walked down the hallway inside, Davey couldn't help but wonder about the blog. Bill was very happy with it, it was like a diary for the other male; even though he thought twice about what he wrote, Bill loved it.

He had told Davey that he had wanted a connection with his fans for a really long time, but the management hadn't allowed them to make personal blogs, twitters or any type of accounts that wasn't the whole band together. The management never gave them the passwords though.

Walking past the door to the studio, Davey heard voices coming from the living area in the apartment the band used while they were recording. Turning to the right, Davey walked down the halls.

Hunter and Adam were sitting on the couch, both watching Hunter’s laptop screen.

"Hi, guys."

Hunter just grunted and Adam smiled as he waved, not even looking up from the screen. Davey shook his head with a laugh; he noticed how close the other two were sitting and cocked his head to the side. Hunter just pointed to his ear with a finger, silently saying that they were sharing earpieces.

"What are you watching, anyway?" the singer asked as he grabbed a bottle of Sparkling Voss. Davey snorted as Hunter ignored him and Adam just smirked; they were probably watching something they shouldn't be.

Jade came stumbling down the stairs, saying ‘good morning’ through a yawn before grabbing one of the long bottles.

"Jade, give me one, will you?" Adam said, pointing in the direction of the water, not taking his eyes off the screen. As he reached to take the bottle out of Jade's hands, Adam pulled the ear buds out of the laptop, filling the room with giggling.

"Stop it, don't do it, I give up!" came the familiar voice, which Davey recognized instantly. "Davey, stop tickling me!"

Spitting out the gulp of water he’d just taken, Davey looked at the other two. "You're watching our videos?" Laughing loudly, Davey slapped his thigh, ignoring his two band mates as they looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Well, why not? Bill isn't bad looking, actually, when he's watching you with those hooded eyes,” Hunter mumbled, closing the laptop and placing it on the table.

Davey shook his head with a knowing smirk; he knew exactly how sexy the German man could be.

"How is he, anyway?" the guitarist asked, sitting down on the couch beside Davey. "I haven't heard from him in the last few days."

"He's okay, I guess. He's excited to go back to Europe for a week, even though he's not going home. But he's still fretting about the blog; he wants the fans to find it, because he wants to know what they think.

"Actually I think he only wants us to be able to go outside together; it's actually a miracle that no one has noticed that we live together yet."

All three of the guys nodded; they had all got to know the German foursome during the last few months. They all knew how Bill could be, by now.

"And he's off to Manchester and London next week, just four days before he leaves. He's probably going to flip out and tell someone if no one mentions it."

Hunter gave Adam a look, but Davey didn't say anything about it. "Don't get me wrong, but I think your boy is a little obsessed with that blog."

Davey gave Adam a sharp look and picked at a loose thread on his pants. “I don’t know; he just wants to go public with style, I guess.”

They all cracked a smile at that.

Bill had been standing in front of the mirror for about an hour after Davey left for the studio. He liked to just look at himself and actually be happy with what he saw.

Now, he was laying, very ungracefully, on the couch, his legs dangling over the edge and his hands stroking his hip bone. The TV was on, some news channel talking about the horrible things going on in the world.

“Ugh, I can’t watch this.” Taking a hold of the couch, Bill flung himself towards the table, holding onto the edge so he didn’t fall off. Grabbing the remote, he crawled back and changed the channel to some music channel.

The new Lady Gaga song was on and Bill smiled, it reminded him of something that he didn’t remember. Grabbing the magazine under the pillow he was resting on, Bill flipped through it as he sang along with the song.

He snickered at some new Britney news; he had been sure that that woman was out of the business ages ago. The Gaga song ended and the intro to Love Like Winter started, which made Bill look up at the screen with a smile. He loved this video.

Looking at Davey in the fake snow, the long lashes and the side fringe, Bill smirked; he knew what they were going to do next summer.

Standing up from the couch, Bill turned the volume up and went to get the laptop; he wanted to blog a little and read some fan sites. He always found it interesting to see what the fans said when they were busy with work, or were on a break.

After the laptop was out of sleep mode, Bill opened the blog and logged in; he was in mood to have some fun. But as he logged in, something was different, very different.

The statistic.

The poll for the last twenty-four hours was clearly not lying; there had been over half a million visitors. Bill stared at the poll for what seemed like hours; he felt hot, like his clothes were starting to stick to his chest. He couldn’t breathe; his heart was beating like dragonfly wings.


The blog had been found, it had to be. Now they were public and there was no way back. Bill felt his whole body go cold again, all colour from his face was drained and he felt almost sick to his stomach.

But he kept thinking that this was what he wanted, he wanted everybody to know, and he wanted them to know how happy he was with Davey. But this... this meant it was impossible to deny it, they couldn't go out saying it was fake.

They had videos, pictures and information no one else knew about, it would be impossible.

With shaky hands, he closed the window; he really wasn't in mood to write now. Placing the laptop on the table and pulling his too-big, fluffy socks higher up his feet, he padded out to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water.

He felt a little better when the cold substance was running down his throat, but the nagging feeling in the back of mind was killing him slowly; breaking him apart.

He was still shaking, almost dropping the glass.

"Oh, god," Bill whispered as he dragged his hands through his long, black hair, "Why am I like this, I should be happy - dancing around."

"I need to see it," he whispered, brushing a shivering hand over his eyes before walking over to the couch again. The laptop was staring at him from the table as he sat down, his legs tucked under his body as he looked back at it.

He wanted to see what the fans had said; he wanted to check all the fan pages he knew about. The comments on the blog had to wait, if there were any. He needed to know.

Taking the laptop and placing it on his thighs, he opened LiveJournal and logged in; he knew where he wanted to check first. Going into his friends page, he scrolled down, reading briefly over all the latest entries.

There it was, the title was looking back at him with big letters. ‘Bill and David Havok - a couple?, ‘AFI's singer captured Bill with his makeup and nail polish’ and the one that had probably crack a smile if he hadn’t been so nervous; Bill is following in his brother's footsteps - he's blogging.

He started with the first, reading it over before going to the next, saving the comments for later. The entry mentioned the blog; that Bill was finally out of the closet and dating Davey Havok from AFI. One was saying that Bill had started blogging like Tom, but nothing about what he was really blogging about.

He stopped at the newest one, the one that was posted just two hours ago. News spread fast in this fandom.

"...There’s even videos, so I'm sure this is real. Bill has also written in the blog that he wants us fans to know, but the management won't let him, is this true? Check out the blog here and let the discussion begin."

He could feel himself shake; he didn’t want to read more, but still, he couldn’t help it. He pressed the comment button, his eyes going wide as he saw the number of comments.


He started at the top, dreading it already, without even thinking more about it, he started to read out loud. “...’this can’t be true, Bill wouldn’t do that to us, he’s not gay.’”

Taking a deep breath, he continued.

“’Bill isn’t gay, he’s said so himself many times. You don’t have to bring up this shitty rumour every time there’s nothing else to write about. Fuck this, Bill isn’t fucking Davey Havok, he’s fucking me.’” He shook his head, the tears threatening to fall.

“’This time someone has gone too far, they probably just look a hell of a lot like them, I haven’t watched the videos, just some of the pictures. It could be Andreas, that friend of theirs, who posted those pictures of Bill, why should we believe that is Havok? It could always be photoshop.’”

He was so captured; he couldn’t look away, even though his mind and heart said to do so. This couldn’t end well.

“’I’ve always said it; he’s a fucking faggot. And now he’s getting it up the ass from Davey? He fucking made that amazing artist into some cock lover?’” His own voice faltered, and the screen suddenly went dark.

“No, no, no, come on, not now!” He was desperate; he needed to know that there was someone out there that cared for him enough to not care. Someone that was happy for him, someone that shared his love and passion for their music even though he was seeing a man.

That shouldn’t be a problem, should it?

Basically throwing the laptop onto the couch, Bill ran into the office, turning the screen on before plopping down in the chair.

“Come on, you son of a bitch, work!” he screamed at the laptop screen, tears falling down his cheeks as he quickly logged into LiveJournal again. He found the same entry and started where he left off.

The tears just continued to fall as he read the most horrible comment after the other; all the fans seemed to hate him for this. Some just didn’t believe it, and that hurt just as much.

Some of the comments were easier to ignore, the simple “I knew he liked cock”, but the comments that really hurt, and would probably be the hardest to forget, were the personal attacks on him, as well as Davey and AFI.

Fans, people that loved their music, suddenly said they didn’t want anything to do with that ‘stupid gay band’ anymore. It broke his heart.

He couldn’t help it, he couldn’t stop reading the comments; even though there were a couple nice ones on there, his mind somehow blocked them out.

His fans hated him. Their fans hated them.

Some people were even blaming Davey for making their “favourite singer a dick loving homosexual”. He could handle people saying they were disappointed he hadn’t said anything before; he could handle someone calling him gay, because he was used to that.

But he couldn’t handle it when people said that they would never listen to them again, that they hated him because he turned AFI’s lead singer gay, or that he had ruined Tokio Hotel’s carrier forever.

He couldn’t handle it.

That’s why he broke down, sitting in the office, crying his heart out for hours. Not caring about anything, just feeling hurt, betrayed. His fans meant so much to him, and he had hurt them, too.

He just wanted Davey to come home soon so he could be held, and maybe even feel loved again.


Davey closed the door behind him, balancing the bags of food in his arms as he placed the keys on the bench.

The apartment was silent, save for just a few small sounds that he couldn’t quite make out what they were. He had brought the dogs that morning, dropping them off at Tom’s place since he said he wanted them for the day. Something about being bored.

He just hoped Bill hadn’t been too bored.

Thinking of the black haired beauty, Davey wondered where Bill was; the apartment was pitch black.

“Bill, you here?” he called, walking to the kitchen and seeing nothing but a used water glass. “Hmm, strange.” Davey walked into the living area; the TV was off, the laptop standing forgotten on the couch.

When he heard a loud bang and a shrill cry coming from the office, Davey ran into the room, dropping the bags to the floor.

There he was, Bill, half sitting on the floor as he cried into his hands, blood seeping from a cut on his forehead.

Rushing towards his lover, Davey knelt down on the floor and reached out to touch Bill’s shoulder. When the younger boy flinched, Davey could feel his heart breaking for the other one, as well as himself.

What the hell happened here?

“Bill, it’s me,” The brown haired man whispered, his voice faltering as he reached out once more. Bill looked up, the blood on his forehead smearing as he dried his whole face. It was clear that he had cried for hours; the red blotches were all over his face and a few dried tears were evident.

The black haired man looked at his boyfriend, his eyes red and blank.

“Davey,” he whispered, his voice broken and forlorn as he suddenly launched himself at Davey, clinging to him like a lifeline.

Davey held Bill, hard, wrapping himself around the other man as he sat down on the floor. Rocking back and forward, Davey started to hum softly.

They sat like that for a while, Davey trying to get Bill to calm down enough so he could tell what was wrong.

“They, they,” Bill stuttered, trying to get the words out, “…hate me.” The tears started to fall again, and Bill shoved his face into Davey’s neck, soaking his shirt as they continued to rock back and forth.

“Shhh, don’t speak, just relax.”

The black haired man kept crying, even though he had no more tears to cry. In the end, he was just whimpering, making small noises. His knuckles were white from holding Davey’s shirt so tightly.

“Don’t leave me,” he gasped, hiccupping and whimpering once more. “I need you so bad.”

Davey’s heart broke even more; he couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for Bill, even though he didn’t know what had happened. He stroked the German man’s back and hair, dragging him even closer.

Bill had wrapped himself around Davey like a koala, one leg on each side of his waist and bouncing in the fabric of his shirt.

“I won’t leave you, ever.”

Bill lifted his head, looking into Davey’s eyes with a broken look. His puppy eyes were huge, and his lips were quivering. “Never ever?”

“Never ever.” Davey placed a small kiss on Bill’s nose, burying his face in the long black strands as Bill once again hid in the crook of his neck.


For two hours, they sat like that. Just holding each other as Bill told Davey everything about the day, how every comment had made an imprint on him, even the ones he was sure he could handle.

He told him about how he felt, how he needed Davey with him no matter what. Davey promised he wouldn’t leave, not now, not ever.

After Bill had told Davey everything, he was exhausted. He was drained, both physically and mentally.

“You ready?” Davey hoisted himself up, carrying Bill into the bedroom and placing him on the bed. Bill’s long lean form quickly curled up as the tears began flowing again.

“Bill, please, don’t cry.” Curling up beside his lover, Davey helped Bill to get both his own soaked shirt off, as well as taking off his own. Dragging Bill’s sweatpants down his legs, Davey shuffled out of his own pair of jeans and again curled up with the other man.

“Davey, I need you,” Bill sobbed, his voice almost inaudible in the completely silent room. “I need you to love me, I need you.”

Bill continued to sob as he pressed himself against Davey; with slow movements he dragged his crotch against Davey’s leg. “Please,” he practically begged; he didn’t even look Davey in the eye as he leaned in and carefully pressed his shaking lips against the oldest man’s. “Please.”

Davey pushed Bill away with a sigh; he didn’t want to hurt the other boy, but he wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do now.


“Davey, please, I need you.” Bill started to sob again, but there were no tears left and his voice was terribly hoarse and low.

Bill’s lips touched Davey’s, with so much passion and love that they both felt like it was too much. All they had been through led up to this.

They were public.

Bill crawled on top of the other man, his lips not leaving Davey’s as he held him tightly. They were pressed so close that Bill gasped for air each second, his ribs pressing deliciously painfully against Davey.

Rolling them over, Davey pressed a knee in between Bill’s, pushing his legs apart. Their hands where everywhere, seeking each other out, needing each other desperately.

Davey pressed small kisses to Bill’s face, his hands smoothing down the thin frame and down to the dark, tight boxers, the front already wet from the precome.

Grabbing the waistband, the brown haired man carefully dragged the black underwear down and off, leaving the youngest completely bare on the bed.

Bill was looking like an angel—even though he could have laughed at how cheesy it was, it was true. Davey was sure Bill looked like nothing but an angel now; his pale face and body, his almost inhumane beauty and the purest soul he knew.

He was his angel.

Taking off his own boxers, Davey laid down on top of Bill again, pressing their erect cocks together. In a matter of seconds they were both a mess of moans and groans, limbs everywhere as they moved slowly.

“I need you; inside me,” Bill forced out in between heavy breaths, his hooded eyes looking pleadingly at the other man. “Please.”

Davey nodded, slipping his hand into the bedside table drawer and grabbing a small bottle. He poured a healthy amount of the sticky substance on his hands and warmed it up.

“Fast, please.”

Davey could almost have smiled at Bill’s eagerness, but he had a nagging feeling that this was still wrong. Bill needed to be loved. He needed to feel accepted.

But Davey wasn’t sure if this was the way to do it.

“Please, I’m begging you…” Davey couldn’t resist the man he loved, especially when he was naked in front of him, begging him to make love to him as he spread his legs willingly.

, he pressed one finger inside his tight hole and pressed his tongue into that inviting mouth.

Bill moaned into Davey’s mouth, dragging his teeth over the older man’s lips and pressing down on the single finger working his insides.

“More,” Bill egged on and Davey complied, adding another finger and moving them slowly in and out. “Faster.”

Moving his fingers faster, Davey shifted the angle, apparently finding the sweet spot inside of Bill, because he was a writing mess by the end of it.

“I can take it, inside me; please.”

Bill was lying on the bed, the pillows propped up under his head and shoulders as Davey removed his fingers. He grabbed the condom and ripped it open, but before he could even reach it, a hand stopped him.

“Please, I need you,” Bill said, staring into Davey’s eyes and quivering lips; they were both clean, they knew.

“Okay,” Davey simply said, dropping the wrapper and the unused condom on the floor before grabbing the bottle and coating his own member.

Bill moved so he was laying comfortably, Davey placed between his legs as he spread them open and placed one on each side of the other man.

Davey leaned over the German man, his hand supporting his weight beside Bill’s head as he pushed inside the amazing heat. Soon, he was buried inside the youngest boy, their bodies almost pressed together except for Davey’s hand pumping Bill’s red and angry cock between them.

Placing his hands on each side of his head, Davey slammed into the other man. Bill was writhing, moaning and crying at the same time; his sobs were loud and mixing with the sounds of pleasure.

Bill wrapped his long legs around Davey’s waist, dragging the man inside him again when he pulled out just a little.

They moved together in synch, the sounds of hurt and betrayal coming from Bill as he continued to sob, clinging to Davey as he was fucked senseless.

Davey tried not to break, but when those walls contracted so hard around him and Bill released everything he had between their bodies with a shout, his tears started to fall.

He moved in and out of the other man as he chased his orgasm, desperate for the release his lover just had. Bill was whimpering, scratching Davey’s shoulders as the oldest man pushed inside him one last time.

With a silent gasp, Davey came hard, deep inside his lover.

Davey rode out his orgasm, taking a deep breath before pulling out of Bill.

Bill groaned, the pain shooting through his spine and the crying just making everything worse. His head was pounding and his heart wasn’t mended.

Davey could feel the tension in the air, thick as fog and choking them both. Grabbing the duvet, he rolled over so his back was facing Bill and lay down on the pillow.

With a silent sigh, Bill looked at the other mans’ back before rolling over so he was facing the other direction.
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